I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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