How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
