Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
