I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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