I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
