i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
