you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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