now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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