I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
