please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
