Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
