we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
