I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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