i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
