I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
