Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
