guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
