i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
