I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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