please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
