STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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