I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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