Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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