how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
