i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
