I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
