a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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