I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
