he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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