the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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