If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
