At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
