you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
