You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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