Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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