Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
birth control should be required to get into college
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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