I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
