he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
did i just pee glitter
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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