The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
