He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
