I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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