everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
