I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
