so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
