and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
