I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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