Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
