remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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