my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
