I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
