so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His hands were made for my vagina.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
